" If it's bandaging the broken

or washing filthy feet

Here I am Lord send me

If it's loving one another

even when we don't agree

Here I am lord send me

if im poor or if I'm wealthy

I'll serve you just the same

Here I am lord send me

on the mountain or the valley

I will choose to praise

Here I am lord send me

if im known by how I love

Let my life reflect how much I love you

I love you

and before you even ask

oh my answer will be yes cause

I love you, oh, I love you

If the truth cuts like an arrow

I will say it anyway

Cause here I am, Lord, send me

And if it means that they'll reject me

Lord, I will still obey

Cause here I am, Lord send me

*chorus

when im standing in your glory

I'll be glad I chose to say

Here I am, Lord, send me

Well done, good and faithful

I live to hear you say

Here I am lord send me

*chorus

oh how I love you

with everything

with all my dreams with all my hopes

You can have it all. You can have it all" - Send me by Bethel Music

I heard this song for the first time on this trip, and it left me speechless. How did one author capture all the things the heart of a Christian should look like? My team has been talking about all the qualities and characteristics of a community that we want in each other/our team, and I just keep going back to the fact that if our hearts are yearning for Jesus, all the other things will fall in place. Instead of trying to be gentle or kind, we should strive to know Jesus better because when we study the things he calls us to be and the things he says we are, rather than trying to fix one bad characterist or habit we end up with so many more strenghts and aspects of God because when we seek him all the aspect of him will follow. Mathew 6:33 "But seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added to you." Going from the blog I made about wanting to be a gentle woman to this blog, with the realization that if I only set my goals on one characteristic, then I will only ever achieve one characteristic, but if I set my goals on God he will give me more than I can ever fathom. A lot of people on my squad are uncertain about the future, and we often find ourselves anxious over the next step. To address this worry, one of our leaders talked to us, and she said that sometimes God doesn't make the next step in your life easy or clear becasue he is teaching you to rely on him. If you knew the next step right now, would you still be asking God for guidance and leaning on him for a way, or would you be chasing the earthly goal ahead of you and bringing it into your own strength? God is using this time to remind you that the ultimate priority should be chasing him, and then all good things will be added on. Circling back to the song, I believe that this should be the heart posture of every Christian, the willingness to accept whatever God's calling is for you, whether that is serving in another country or leading your family well at home. God has a calling for every one of his children, and chasing earthly things is holding us back from ultimate success. Our center should be God and nothing else.

Logistics of last week! We left Casa Hugar Alregre, which was terrible and awful and a huge heartbreak. Leaving behind the kids we had been living with for the last 6 weeks was so incredibly hard for all of us. But of course God used it to teach me something (there is always something to learn, just look for it). He gave me a prayer as I was so conflicted with the fact that we were supposed to leave these kids who have nothing and have gotten so attached to us, and the next week meet new kids and love them just the same. The prayer he gave me was "God please take all the hurt and anger out of my heart and replace it with a capacity to love your people and do your will" which then i quickly recongized this was about a lot more then just leaving the orphange, but of things from the past that i had been holding onto desperately wanting some type of "justice" or "closure" which was unbelieveble stupid as i was wrong in the majority of the situations and i thought i could get these things on my own streghtn lol. I need to give all the hurt and anger and brokenness to God because he is the only one who can heal me and make me whole again. So approaching these new kids was still hard because I was holding on to the relationships I had made before, but praying this prayer reminds me that I should desire this love for all of God's people because that is what we are called to do. To love even when you are hurt and broken gives you a reliance on God, and it allows you to learn so much more about him because this is how he feels about us. When we run from him and do earthly things Gods heart breaks, but he loves us anyway.

So where am I, you might be thinking! We are in San Cristobal mexico for a week, so until this sunday, and then we will be going to Lake Atitlån guatamala for a debrief week and then to antigua guatamala for the next 2ish months! The last week of the trip will be another debrief week spent in El Salvador!

For ministry this week, we have done: evangelism in the square, VBS with indigenous children in the town market, and at an affordable housing place. We are going into an indigenous town today, we will go to the hospital, and finally to a children's home.

prayer request: most of my team has gotten viloently ill with stomach issues so that we all recover from that, safe travels crossing the boarder of mexico to guatamala in a 10 hour bus ride, along with that car sickness is terrible and we would love to not be sick for 10 hours, prayers for casa hugar to get the partners it needs to be able to support the kids there well, prayers for my college decsions as i have a small idea of what i am doing but i have so many logicstics to make it happen, and finally homesickness! I get to see my parents on March 15, which I am SO EXCITED FOR, but at the same time, I miss everyone at home dearly, and it will be hard for them to have to leave me again. So yeah, that would be great!

with love layla